I Don't Believe In Magic

For a lot of us who grew up in the 80's and early 90's, a Macdonald's birthday party was the highlight of our childhood. Ronald Macdonald, Grimace, the Hamburglar, Mayor MacCheese... they were all a part of our imagination. Macdonald's was one of the most awesome places in the world, just like Toys'R’Us, and we'd constantly bother our parents to take us there for a happy meal (and the awesome toys that came with them…). But then one day, something terrible happened to all of us that would shake us to our core... Much like some of us had to learn that Santa Claus wasn't real; Macdonald's was not the wonderland that we thought it was...

After finally reaching that magical world beyond the counter, our world was shattered. The working conditions were miserable, the workers hated their jobs, it was dirty, and, worst of all… it was just like real life. No longer could we "believe in magic". Even the addition of indoor play places (which, it was eventually discovered, were extremely unsanitary... ball pits, anyone??? ) did nothing to change the fact that Macdonald's was NOT what we thought it was. But it gets worse… there was the crushing realization that Big Mac's didn’t come with toys. How could this be?!?? A hamburger that didn’t come with a toy??? Such a thing was unheard of!!! It was after all of this that something inside of us died and life would never be the same. Our innocence was gone. Ronald Macdonald was just another fake person in a long line of people who would let us down and leave us as bitter shells of what we once were...

So to Ronald Macdonald, all I have to say to you is that I hope there's a special place in hell for you… right next to Hitler... and Santa Claus…