Saturday, April 12, 2014

Sweeping Generalizations About Cincinnati That Mostly People From the Local Music Scene Will Get

If you're a hippie in Cincinnati, chances are good that you grew up on the Westside (or far out on the Eastside).

If you have allergies, asthma, or are bipolar and live in Cincinnati, chances are good that you live in Cincinnati.

If you moved to Cincinnati for a job, you're probably from an economically depressed rust belt city... or a small Ohio town with nothing interesting going on. 

If you're straightedge in Cincinnati, chances are good that you grew up in Norwood.

If you broke edge in the past ten years, you probably ride a bicycle everywhere.
If you're graduating from DAAP or the Art Academy soon, chances are good that you're about to move to a major city far away from here.

If you're a metalhead in Cincinnati, chances are good that you have no friends. If you do, though, then you probably live in NKY. And are afraid of crossing the river.

If you've been into crust punk for over twelve years and lived in Cincinnati for a lot of that time, you probably write for Profane Existence.

If you're offended that photos of something as boring as vaginas were displayed on the grounds of your city's largest university, chances are you're from Cincinnati. 

If you live in Cincinnati and still listen to screamo, chances are good that you were or are in a band that plays it.
If you're a crust punk in Cincinnati and somewhere around 21 years old, chances are good that you went to SCPA.

If you listen to noise in Cincinnati and didn't go to DAAP or CCM (or are under 35), chances are good that your interest in it is due to Robert Inhuman in some way.
If you know what gabber music is and you live in Cincinnati, it's definitely because of Robert Inhuman.  And if you listen to deathrock at all and are under 25, it's for the same reason.

If you live in Cincinnati and got into grindcore and powerviolence in the past three years, chances are good that it's because of shows Justin Lakes booked and Forced Opinion plays. 

If you live in Cincinnati and got into black metal within the past year, it's because you saw Ethicist.

If you posted on the Neus Subjex a lot and don't go to shows anymore, you probably listen to WLW, play fantasy football and lost your faith in punk when Against Me! signed to a major.

If you live in Cincinnati and reminisce about local metalcore shows, you're probably friends with me.

If you've been online almost every day of your life for the past 19 years, are always complaining, spazzing out, and pissing people off online, and ramble constantly about metal and grindcore, chances are good that people call you "Treebeard."